I’M BARELY A CELEBRITY… PRETEND YOU CARE ABOUT ME
Hosted by a lame ex-MTV DJ and some chick with an Australian accent, I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here premiered on NBC. Of the varied D-List celebrities are a Baldwin (Stephen), an I-didn’t-even-win American Idol (Sanjaya), a married pair of toehead losers (Heidi & Spencer Pratt), and a raving bitch you have to love a tiny bit (Janice Dickenson.) Apparently the thing that’s supposed to “suck you in” is that it’s live in Costa Rica. I didn’t watch long enough to know why. I guess instead of sucking me in, I just thought it sucked.

“TO RECYCLE DICK JOKES KEEPS THE EARTH A LITTLE LESS WARM”Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List started it’s fifth season on Bravo last Monday and featured dick jokes, Bette Midler, and Kathy being (un)shockingly inappropriate. I normally like Griffin a lot, but all reality shows are starting to turn into one big “I-don’t-really-care-what-you-have-to-say-anymore-because-it’s-all being-narrated-straight-into-the-camera-in-commentary.” Let’s face it, that’s boring. That means they’ve had plenty of time to come up with the ‘hilarious’ notions they ‘supposedly’ came up with on the spot. While Griffin says plenty of gut busting stuff off the top of her head, I can’t help but think of her in the same light as I would Farrah from Rock of Love Bus, and I don’t think that’s helping her get off the D-List anytime soon.

MTV: GIVING STRIPPER POLES TO PREPUBESCENTS SINCE 1981
You gotta love watching pop youth adore Paris Hilton saying ridiculous phrases like “this house is the bomb dot com.” Oh wait… no you don’t. Among the really moronic moments that happened on the show over the premiere and second episode are: Paris tickling and whipping her ‘pledges’ and a gay boy saying he’d take off all his clothes just not on a stripper pole. But hearing Paris say “cute” in her baby gag-me voice isn’t all that interesting to me.

THAT GUY WHO’S ALWAYS YELLING AT ME HAS HIS OWN SHOWHEY! YOU! DO YOU LIKE BUYING STUFF FROM INFOMERCIALS HOSTED BY GUYS YELLING AT YOU! WHAT ABOUT GUYS WITH BIG BEARDS WHO ONLY WANT YOUR PRODUCT IF YOU’RE GOING TO SELL IT FOR $19.99. WELL GUESS WHAT? IF YOU DO LIKE THOSE THINGS, I HAVE THE SHOW FOR YOU! DISCOVERY CHANNEL PREMIERED PITCHMEN STARRING BILLY MAYS AND ANTHONY SULLIVAN. AND THAT’S ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT!!

“IT’S LIKE ASKING JESUS CHRIST TO WORSHIP SATAN”The above comment was made by a snot nosed designer named James Paul who thought having to dress a regular sized woman instead of the negative-five-sized models was sacrifashion. Personally I think it’s more redonk that he can’t just extend fabric a few more inches to fit a NORMAL person. It was actually the girl Mizrahi called “sizist” that ended up winning. I’m officially over this show. I’m gonna go with Reco winning, because he’s annoying to everyone and anything that’ll annoy those jerks works for me!